want of perfect life

In Want of Perfect Life!

Always wanted to live a perfect life,

From the day I was born,

Was told to say the politically correct things,

Not the things that I felt.

Playing with the dolls,

Getting soaked up in mud,

Building houses, breaking stuff,

Wandering through dusk,

It was a thing for idle kids.

Not meant for me.

While growing up ws told:

Good grades should be the aim,

Could get away with anything by a lie,

Talking to people about oneself – a sign of madness

Friends are not to be trusted,

For family and their needs come first.

With sisters to ape and follow,

It’s wrong to have an opinion,

That is a comfort of brightest.

Doing things that you like is a sin.

For you are dull to know what is right for you.

Divine pleasure is sacrifice.

All I wanted to live a perfect life.

With a broad smile,

Stood against the Almighty,

The father of all!

Knew how proud he would be of me,

For I lived the perfect life

He stood there with broadest smile

With sorrow hard to hide,

Looked straight in my eyes

And said,

“Did you live life?”

A reply came, ‘“yes”, my lord – a perfect one’.

A sigh was all he could manage

And asked,

‘Did you like the magnificent oceans with waves?

The glorious forests with broken paths,

The lovely flowers with scents,

Tall hills with snow on top-

All the beauty I created for you.’

I was shocked,

With a low whisper, I said

‘Was all that meant for me?

You send me to take orders

To earn money and get all materials pleasure,

And not to enjoy my life the way I want’.

The god gave me the kindest smile

That would melt all your fears.

He asked me again,

‘Did you hug someone?

Said I love you,

Comforted and loved someone.’

I was petrified,

‘These things are meant for idle people

And not for the perfect people living perfect life isn’t it?’

He looked down,

With shadows of tears in his eyes

I earnestly asked

‘Aren’t you happy, I lived the perfect life?

You intended me to do so.’

He did not smile this time,

Slowly and softy he said,

‘I never intended you to be perfect,

You were meant to be imperfect,

To be yourself and not a replica,

To love the beauty I created,

To find me by falling in love with you’

Tears came rolling down my cheeks

Flashes of hell came into my mind.

As if reading my mind,

He gave me the biggest smile.

Hugged me tightly and said,

‘I love you!’

‘You are special to me, my child

Now live life the way you wanted to be.

I love you for what you are.’

I never knew the magic of hug and

Of those the three beautiful words

I knew than-

What heaven felt like!

Hand in hand, he took all my pains.

I knew how it felt like

To live a life at last;

Without chains and

Burdens of others

expectations

At last I gave up the perfect life

For the life of my own

Thank you for the life you created in me

For I know you are proud of me.

                       

Questions... the vicious circle of virtue...

lately, i have been hounded by the never ending questions. It has got be thinking. Where are they born?
And more specially why are they born? Do they serve any other purpose than harassing us, not letting us enjoy our life. Albert Einstein, once quoted, 'the important thing is not to stop questioning'.
But then again this is the guy who also said if given a chance to be reborn; he would chose to be a plumber rather than a scientist. No sooner a scientist finds a answer, another 100 question rises in their mind.

So is a life a big question. Our whole life is about burning in the holy fire of questions, that leads us to the answer in the end.

I have asked so many people about the questions in my mind, but none has given me the answers. some laugh at me on the ridicule nature of it while few say, the answer is within you and you alone can find it. Those few say i am good soul, an advanced soul, must have done good deeds in past life to have these questions. For time being i feel so nice about their compliment that i forget most of the time, they are benefiting from my ignorance.

In a way it is good to ask questions, because there is hope of answer. The Universe will be compelled to answer them some day.

Here a quick list of the question that haunt my nights and days.

• Who are we? I know the spiritual answer. You are pure, powerful and ever lasting soul. But then how do you experience it. I know this, we all know this but do we really accept it and live it. I know i don't. I would love to believe it but then how do I. That's the question. 

• Where do we come from? We come from a beautiful home of spirits. All was lovely there, a heaven with God presiding over. If that world was so beautiful then why did we leave it. We are not that dumb to leave paradise for the trouble of earth. They say it our playground, we chose our life and when we have played enough we go back to home. May be that explains the feeling of not belonging most of the time. But then i wonder what if earth is heaven and we have ran off from the so called heaven which in reality is hell. Then what shall happen to us.

 

• Where do we go from here? It is continuation of the earlier question. Where do we go from here? If there exists a God, would he be so unkind to his children; that he would punish his children for their ignorance. Do the concept of hell and heaven really exist? The more i think about them, the more stupid they sound. If you follow the rules of the so called servants of God, you shall be given a human body. And if don't, you will have to suffer a beast's life. Is the vast Universe divided into different realms of the different religion? A separate hell and heaven for the followers. As the religion slowly fades away, the space in the universe for that religion goes in oblivion. What happens to that God, does he also fades away too or he becomes a servant of the new more powerful God? Who knows? i know these are stupid questions but they are important to me?

• Why are we here? Science says, we are the effect of random act of evolution. Can this be true, we are here just like that; without any reason. They don't believe in God. They believe in facts and experiments. Are we really here to slave off our days? I don't believe in the holy purpose of religion. As i personally don't believe religion is pillar of our existence. The universe existed before the religion was developed. We are the creation of the giant Universe whereas the religion is our figment of our imagination. I could have been anywhere but then why i am here only. Everything can not be just random effect. There has to be reason behind every action. And i am looking for my reason?

there are many more such ridiculous questions. Never shall we be without questions, as where there is a question, there will be an answer. I know the questions i have asked, have no answers. But then other the textbook questions, do our life have any answers. Never stop asking questions no matter how much they torment us, how foolish they may sound? we have a right to ask them and it is Universe's choice whether to answer them or not...

it signifies my question. the world we live is between Him and me. Is he Devil or Krishna or Both?

snake coiled in deep snow

what do i say? i do not know why i opened this up.
may be i was tired of this self imposed exile.
my whole world revolves around syllables.
i m tired of this silence. the silence of my tongue twitches my heart. it is killing me.
i know i should be a friend to one who seeks it.
she is lonely and was longing for my company.
i feel so guilty for leaving her side, for not talking, for not being her friend.
a companion was she looking for her.
but every time the howler monkey howls, i take back all the small steps taken.
her laughter irritates to the core at the point of shouting back.
i just cant tolerate her.
her stupid jokes, her indifference, her imposing attitude.
and mostly she wanted to take my freedom away.
now, i have fought it, actually constantly fighting at her expense.
she tries to please me yet i run away from her.
in spite of telling me i am connoisseur of silence,
she does not serve me.

entangled in wines of fate,
yet none of us are happy with it,
poles apart we are yet,
for the sake of inhuman fate.
 

being a gemini

the thing that i am best at is making my life complicated... whenever things are going smooth and fine, i create problems out of no where... sometimes i wonder how could create such huge problems out of such mundane things.... the worst part is that i let it harvest in my brain... its like i have sowed the bad seeds... the weeds keep on growing. i believe i can manage everything. i will cut them in time. bt then like always its too late... the good crops are destroyed because of that bad seeds. in the process i not only make my life living hell... i destroy the peace of the parents and the dear ones of mine. in the end when i have had endless number of sleepless nights, i confront those dear ones and magically they pull me out. then i realise how stupid and irrelavant was whole episode. there is no actual problem, its just a figmentation of my mind. to protect my stupid behavior i always blame it on my sun sign gemini. i am like i am gemini, we are conflicted people. we change our opinions as we change clothes. the worst part of gemini is when i can see why other people did mean things to me... who thinks that the other person had some valid reason for hurting you... why cant i be like normal people and hates and abuse the mean person... why cant my mind give a rest... it does not have to work 24*7. but then it strickes me if that were the case then 1/12th of the population has to be like me: crazy, confused, dual, unpredictable and last but not the least prisoner of their mind.